Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
