I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
