What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
