I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
