dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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