I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
