yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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