Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i believe in u and ur pee
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
