sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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