mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
