it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
