I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
