Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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