I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
