Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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