i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
