I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
