Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
