I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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