I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
