I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
