i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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