this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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