His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
