good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
