I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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