some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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