Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
