So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
