My nipple is on Facebook.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
