we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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