At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
