where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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