yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Holy sore nipples Batman
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
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