Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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