i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
