apparently the secret to your success is patron
i love accidental penises.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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