...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
