Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
