Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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