I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
