If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just want to make out with him forever
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm really busy with my period
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