In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
