i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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