Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
