we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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