I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
