god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
