no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
