I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
